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4.2 ★★★★★
Based on 27 reviews
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★★★★★ 5
An Exploration of Why Men are Evolving into Who they are Today! Well Researched and Convincing!
Format: Hardcover
What does a top intellectual woman have to say about the journey men have been on since the beginning of time? Nancy R. Pearcey understands the current secular view of masculinity and has the biblical understanding of how men can find true freedom in being who they were meant to become – good men who are willing to sacrifice for their wives and children.
Some of the questions this book answers include:
Who are the most loving men in America?
What are the top positive traits of good men?
What is the difference between a good man and a real man?
Why should you attend church if you want a chance at a happy abuse-free marriage?
How has the role of women changed over the centuries?
Why is praying together as a couple such a major help in marriage?
Does the health of the marriage rely on the husband or wife?
While this book focuses mostly on men and what has happened to them as they have evolved into who they are today, there is also a lot of information on what has occurred to women. Nancy R. Pearcey beautifully brings clarity to Eve's role in Adam's life from the beginning.
What struck me most deeply while reading was that men really respond to societal expectations. As the world had changed men have seemingly adapted in tandem and have pursued different directions than some women who love house and home would prefer. The motivation of men seems to be to maintain their own masculinity at any cost!
There is an especially good section on how men should be encouraged to be good fathers as it benefits them as much as the child and helps to prevent suicide. There is also a chapter on the problem of abuse in marriage. This alerts women to the situation they may face in the future if they take no action or leave without protections in place! The section addresses suffering as a Christian woman but the author doesn't take the problem lightly and advises women to leave if they are in danger.
It seems to me that ideas cause civilization to crumble or move forward with renewed power. Usually it is truth that sets people free whether they find it individually or collectively. This is a book who's time has come. I was so happy to read about the reality of men who take marriage seriously and also wives who show a meek and calm spirit leading their husbands to God.
So this book is a history of men and why men are viewed either positively or negatively in our culture. This is one of the most important books you could ever read. I highly recommend it to pastors and counselors, men and women. The more people that read it, the more good it can do! Thanks for reading! :)
~The Rebecca Review
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Reviewed in the United States on November 1, 2023
★★★★★ 5
Timely and Highly Important Must-Read Book
Format: Hardcover
I had the wonderful opportunity of reading an advanced copy of this book over the past month, and of course also pre-ordered it here on Amazon. I read this book thinking it would be an analysis of the modern attack on masculinity and its impact on men and boys. As a Sociology professor of over 35 years who writes and teaches extensively on marriage and family issues, of course I also (a) try to keep up on new material relevant to my studies, and (b) am in a pretty good position to evaluate the author's handling of the research.
This is so much more than I thought it would be. I never fully appreciated the long-term history and roots of the attack on masculinity until I read this. Pearcy's handing of diverse historical sources from across the ideological spectrum is masterful. I learned new things, and also perhaps even more loved her application of things I already knew to understanding the contemporary dilemma. She also uses incredible analogies. I especially liked comparing what masculinity was created to be and naturally is, versus what it has often been twisted into, to perfectly good software that has been attacked by a virus. We mistake the virus for the software.
I also enjoyed the way she wove her own biography into the beginning and end of the book judiciously.
Her analysis of the contemporary issues in the church, particularly the mishandling of Scripture and of abuse cases by pastors and elders, is valuable. I am very familiar with a church that went through a split over precisely this kind of thing -- elders protecting an elder who had been abusing his wife for years while gaslighting the wife and even family members who affirmed this woman's complaints, treating a problem with the elder as if it was a marital issue with "two sides," and so on. This is a too-familiar story.
I recommend this book without hesitation. I am already personally recommending it to others to buy and read. I will consider making this required reading in my next Family class. And this would be a fantastic choice of a book to do a Sunday School class or church bible study around. The length makes it perfect for a semester of reading, and Pearcy writes incredibly well, free of jargon, beautiful flow.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 28, 2023
★★★★★ 5
Fascinating and important history of masculinity in Americz
Format: Hardcover
Our boys are not ok. Our families are not ok.
“Despite the growing evidence that boys are falling behind, many people resist proposals to help young males. After all, they say, men still end up in most positions of power. And it’s true that men are more likely than women to be presidents, CEO’s, film directors, Fortune 500 board members, and Silicon Valley entrepreneurs. But while we focus on the maybe 10 percent of powerful, successful alpha males, we have been blinded to the fact that on average men are doing worse than in the past. Men are more likely than women to be homeless, to suffer mental illness, to wind up in prison, to commit suicide, to be murdered, to be addicted to drugs or alcohol…in recent years, men’s life expectancy has even gone down, while women’s has remained the same” (page 25)
Nancy Pearcey uses decades of social science data and historical research to demonstrate how and when the cultural script for masculinity turned toxic - from one that reflected the biblical definition of manhood (provide, protect, and serve wife, family, and community as Christ served his church) to one that has become nearly the exact opposite- and how it has fueled the ever widening rift between the sexes. Spoiler alert: the Industrial Revolution, Post-modernism, and Darwinism played major roles in turning the script for masculinity toxic.
This book has the most concise and beautiful explanations of biblical manhood, womanhood, and marriage - including defining headship and submission- that I have read. Pearcey shows through hard data how communities have flourished under God’s plan for marriage and how society denigrates the further it strays from that plan. Men and women were made to be “co-heirs in the kingdom of God” (Peter 1:3) not fighting a battle of the sexes. While the problem has been a drastic move from the biblical definition of manhood, the author chronicles how the church in many cases has been implicit in allowing this toxic and unbiblical version of manhood. Interestingly, Pearcey herself grew up in a Christian home with an abusive father, causing her to become agnostic (and feminist) until later in her life when she found Christ. A large part of the book addresses domestic abuse and how many churches have empowered entirely unbiblical male dominance. She also sets forth practical solutions for both families and churches on how to reclaim the script of masculinity that lifts up and empowers not just men but also women and communities. One way is to make the career more flexible to allow men to take more active roles in the family.
This is a really important book for a time when “children with absent fathers account for 63 percent of youth suicides, 90 percent of homeless and runaway children, 85 percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 85 percent of youths sitting in prisons.” P.193
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Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2023
★★★★★ 5
Very relevant
Format: Hardcover
Good research on the subject
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Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2026
★★★★★ 4
Helpful Insights about Modern Masculinity and the Social Goodness of Biblical Masculinity
Format: Hardcover
In the midst of contemporary debates about masculinity and femininity in America and the West, Nancy R. Pearcey seeks to bring clarity through tracing the historical development of modern masculinity and explaining the social goodness of biblical masculinity in her book The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes. Throughout this work, she contrasts the difference between the Good Man versus the "Real" Man, and urges us to embrace the true masculinity of the Good Man instead of the toxic masculinity of the "Real" Man.
Pearcey establishes her argument through the lenses of a biblical worldview of Creation, Fall, and Redemption, which was practiced by Protestants since the Reformation in their relationship between men and women. But the Industrial Revolution removed men from the home and away from their families, and this shift led to a change in the conception of masculinity (and femininity). As she summarizes:
"The Industrial Revolution became a watershed in the social definition of masculinity. By taking husbands and fathers out of the home, industrialization created the material conditions that made it more difficult to fulfill a biblical ideal of manhood. Men were no longer physically present enough to be fully engaged husbands and fathers. They spent most of their time in the public realm, which was growing increasingly secular. The Industrial Revolution thus became a catalyst for the acceptance of secular views of masculinity" (101).
Therefore, a transition took place from communal manhood to personal, self-interested manhood. As a result, the values and lifestyles of men changed into what is now recognized as toxic masculinity. So the problem we face today is not the result of Christianity and its teaching of biblical manhood, but the perversion of true masculinity through modern secularized individualism and the abusive twisting of male headship and female submission among largely nominal Christians. This means that our solution is returning to God's revealed ideal for the sexes in Scripture, which is how God intended for his image-bearers to relate to each other.
I appreciated Pearcey's historical overview of how masculinity developed from Puritanism to today. It was both informative and challenging, causing me to consider how much my own understanding of masculinity has been influenced by my culture rather than by God's Word. As a self-confessed devotee of Francis Schaeffer, I can see how much of an impact he has had in her thinking and writing. And like Shaeffer, Pearcey may be criticized for an overly simplistic tracing of ideas through history. But the general contours of her survey seem accurate enough, and help us to identify what has led to contemporary troubles with masculinity.
At the same time, I would have appreciated more emphasis on biblical exposition when explaining the Christian worldview as it applies to men and women. While I recognize that she was not intending a Bible study, she often quotes Scripture and draws conclusions which at times I found questionable or could have been clarified by a more thorough treatment of the text. Other relevant passages from God's Word on the relationship between men and women were also left unaddressed.
The result is that I have reservations and disagreements with some of Pearcey's conclusions. Furthermore, I sensed a strong influence of Neocalvinist transformationalism, especially as it related to the cultural mandate. Thus, I would find myself differing from the author in some of her assessment and application. Nevertheless, I wouldn't want these cautions to keep anyone from reading her book. She clearly wants us to engage her arguments, and she provides and important voice in today's debates surrounding masculinity.
So I will be encouraging anyone thinking through what it means to be masculine or how to raise boys in today's world to read Pearcey's timely book. Read it carefully and with discernment. I hope that the Lord uses it to help us reconcile the sexes through Christ.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 29, 2023